Archer and the Mango
by eely
Summary: Archer has a really intense experience with a mango. damn you ilasgoc


AN: archer in the manga? no. archer in the mango.

That damn mango.  
Archer stared at it, resting his chin on his hands.  
"Mangos can be hard to handle." the internet said.  
Boy, was it right. This mango was a handful.  
It just sat there. Tormenting him. There was nothing Archer could do but sit and watch. Sit and watch that fucking mango.  
His co-workers grew worried about him. He had been watching this mango for days on end.  
Ariana often draped a blanket over him during the night, since he was so afraid of what the mango would do if he left to get one himself.  
He didn't even notice the smell of Petrel's cigarette smoke anymore. Not even the most hurtful(although meaningless) insults and names Proton could call him to snap him out of his trance wouldn't work.  
They often came around the kitchen for food, so it wasn't like Archer was alone constantly. But to him, he might as well be.  
Well, except for the mango.  
It has been 30 days. 30 days of paranoia.  
Now, Petrel and Ariana just kept to the sidelines. It was no use bothering him. Proton, on the other hand, was getting very sick of this.  
"Archer."  
Archer blinked, but he did not respond.  
"Aaaaaaarcher."  
His mouth only twitched.  
"Archer you sack of shit, turn around."  
He refused to take his eyes off the mango.  
Proton slowly leaned into Archer's vision.  
He mustered up the most unnerving face he could, and whispered into his ear, "Aaaaaaaaaaaaarcheeeeeeerrrrr rrrrrr."  
Archer blinked. Proton narrowed his eyes.  
"Why a mango?" he muttered under his breath.  
"Shhh." Archer whispered, widening his eyes, not taking them off the mango. "Don't say things like that in its presence." he said.  
Now Proton was officially done. He frowned and picked up the mango.  
"Proton what are you doing?!" Archer screamed, panicking.  
"I'm snapping you out of this stupid mango-induced trance, idiot." he replied, walking over to the sink.  
"Please don't do what I think you're going to do." Archer said, nearly whimpering.  
Proton took the plug out of the sink. He then shoved the mango down. Then, he walked over to a switch, flipped it, turning on the garbage disposal.  
"PROTON NO!" Archer screamed.  
The mango was gone. It was shreds.  
"PROTON, IT'S GOING TO BE VERY ANGRY WITH YOU." he yelled, stomping over to where Proton was standing.  
Proton turned off the garbage disposal. "Look down in the sink, Archer." he said.  
"I can't believe you, do you realize-"  
"Archer, look down in the sink."  
"Do you know what you've just done?! Y-"  
"ARCHER." Proton finally screamed, taking a hold of Archer by the shoulders. He looked him in the eye and told him once more, in a quiet, serious voice.  
"Look. Down. In. The sink."  
Archer looked down. He couldn't see the mango. It was gone.  
"It's gone, Archer. You're free." Proton whispered, attempting to be very dramatic.  
"...Are you sure?" Archer questioned.  
Proton shot a glare at him.  
"I ripped it to shreds, Archer. And it's also a fruit. Of course it's gone."  
Archer put his hands on his face and took a deep breath. He exhaled.  
"It's finally gone...?"  
Proton groaned.  
"How many times to I have to tell you, YES, the fuckin' mango is gone. No more. It has left this world."  
Archer turned his back to Proton and ran his hands through his hair. He stood there in shock for a few minutes.  
"I can't believe it." he said quietly.  
Proton was now leaning on the counter by his elbow, resting a hand on his face, looking annoyed.  
"Oh boy, what can't you believe, Archer?" he asked apathetically.  
"I can't believe I was tormented...by a mango." Archer said, realizing how silly he was.  
"Oh, NOW you realize? You wouldn't take your eyes off that damn thing for a month. It was like you found your soulmate or something."  
"Don't joke about it! It's not funny! I was really very concerned for my life!" Archer turned to Proton, angry.  
Proton chuckled and stood up straight.  
"All right, whatever you say, Archer." he waved to him, walking away, signaling that he was 300% done with this entire conversation.  
Archer was left alone in the kitchen. He looked around. He noticed a significant lack of mangos from when before he became entranced.

AN: im crying because i never thought id write something about archer and mangos so seriously  
thanks ilasgoc


End file.
